So.....

So it has been almost a year since I posted a blog. Hahaha. I would like to say that I haven't written anything because I have been oh so busy. That is the farthest from the truth ever. It's more because I am lazy. And filled with anger and hatred. Whatever, I'm still awesome.

It's tornado season here once again, and I am more paranoid this season then last. Mostly because I saw the horrifying videos of what happened in Joplin, knowing very well that maybe one day that will be us. Yesterday, I got to hang out with my new neighbor that I have maybe talked to twice. Granted, we were both hunkering down in my storm shelter taking cover from the storm that was blowing through. The scary part wasn't the storm, but I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE MY 3 OLDEST KIDS WERE!!! I was one phone call from a full blown panic attack. All I knew was while the wind was whipping, the skies were lighting up like no other and thunder was shaking the windows of my house my children were supposed to have been on the school bus heading home. I figured that they had been turned around and taking shelter at school but I wasn't for certain. Scared me to death. I also learned to NEVER EVER tell your husband that you don't know where your kids are because he freaks out worse than I do. At least we rode through the storm un-injured and my children got home maybe an hour or so later. And I sat with my new neighbor for all of maybe two hours and I still have any clue to what her name is. LOL I ROCK!

Now that my kids are all on summer break, I will remember that I do have this blog and maybe write more than once a year. Or I won't.

Reading iz good for your smarticles.

For as long as I can remember(which unless it's completely useless information it's not much) I have loved reading. My favorite book up until 1st grade was Bedtime for Sleepy Squirrell. I re-read it the other day and can't remember why kindergarten me thought it was the best book ever, but it was. I would read all day, everyday if I could(damn housework, laundry, cooking and farmville!) I pretty much read anything as long as it looks interesting. I tend to not like books filled with graphic sex scenes, well, because that means that the writer is either A)writing about personal sex experiences(EWW) or B) writing about the kind of sex they want to have(double eww) I would prefer not to know about the writers sex life or what kind of sex life they would prefer.

Anyway, the reason I'm writing this blog about reading and books is because I was dusting my bookshelf(yeah I sometimes do that) and I found my book "Where the Sidewalk Ends" by Shel Silverstein. I used to read that book over and over again growing up. To this day, The Giving Tree is my most favorite book. I thought about how I would go to bed and take my little lamp and just read for hours before I fell asleep. First grade, I think I read every single Boxcar children books that they had. Well what bothers me immensely is that none of my kids seem interested in reading at all. I mean the girls do it when they have to, and Jack and Mush like to have me read to them every night but they do it more or less so they get to stay up longer and not go to sleep. When I was Lily's age, I always had my nose stuck in some kind of book. Not because I had to, but because I loved reading. She does not share my love of reading. At all. As for Hailey...well, I think she would like reading if she followed the story instead of just reading the words. Maybe they will grow into it. Or maybe they just got their father's lack of reading love(lets put it this way, usually he reads magazines, and well more magazines. About video games)(yeah I know I married a video game nerd) I went online and found a whole bunch of books that I used to read when I was their age and I ordered them. Needless to say, I have read them more than the girls have. Sadz. Alright, thats all for now. I can hear laundry calling for me(or I need to harvest my crops on farmville)

Mommy, I like you.

Yep, that is what Mush just told me. As he is sitting almost directly on top of me while I am sitting on my bed on my laptop not cleaning my bedroom that was my main goal for today. Farmville and playing online scrabble with Lydia all day was WAY more important. I did mop my kitchen so points for me?

So, last night was "date night." For the first time ever, all FOUR of my kids slept over at their friends house. I thought that I would be completely overjoyed. The truth is. I wasn't. It was too quiet and boring for my liking. Hubby and I went out to dinner(my steak? sooooo not worth 17 dollars) then we went to blockbuster and he got Clash of the Titans. As much as I want to lick friendly handshake Sam Worthington, I wasn't in the mood to watch it. So we came home and watched preseason football, he was on his laptop on the couch and I was on mine in the chair, across the room from one another not talking. It was so special. Then, about 10ish we shut off everything and went to sleep. Yeah. That's how we roll on a Friday night with no kids. This morning I woke up with my 3 dogs all cuddled on my bed. Hubby had already left for work, so I got up, got dressed, went to McDonald's and got a frappe thingie then went to walmart. Then I picked up the spawnage. Mush missed me. That made me happy. The mom said she wanted to keep him. Then she mentioned how Jack was a "screamer" I had to explain that he has a little a LOT of anxiety, and hasn't quite learned how to manage it yet. Ahhh...5 year olds with anxiety and severe ocd are so much fun. So now I'm just hanging out with mush and the dogs, Jack passed out a while ago. Girls are at their friends for the night. So I guess now I should maybe straighten up my room since I do have a housing inspection on wednesday. Sadz.

Just call me Betty freakin Crocker...

So yeah...I woke up this morning in the mood to bake. Don't know why, I just did. So by 9ish this morning I had made a 3 layer rainbow chip cake with homemade icing and marshmallow fondant. Oh and 48 chocolate fudge cupcakes, 36 of which that are frosted with triple chocolate fudge icing. The kids all said it was super yummy. I am going to take their word for it because I Fatty McFatFat, have not had a single piece or cupcake. I WIN I WIN!!! Lol, its totally not because Im trying to eat all healthy and whatnot, rather I just wanted to bake them, not eat them. I will leave that up to the hubby and the spawnage.

Last week we had a crazy thunder storm which decided to kill my living room tv. I spent almost an entire day searching my house for my warranty to get it fixed. I found said warranty, called the people and they scheduled someone to come out today between 8-12 to fix it. Well, it is 5:42 and no one has shown up, or called. So I called the people that are supposed to be coming to fix it. It didn't even sound like an actual business answering machine. Just some random dude. Umm?? Hello? Warranty people? Do I want some guy who "fixes them big boxes with the movin pictures" coming out to my house? NO! So I called them back saying I want a reputable,readin,writin, able to answer the damn phone when I call to get my stuff fixed person to come out instead. So they will be calling me back in the am with an appointment time for someone that actually does their freakin job! I seriously hate this armpit of hell place. Okay Im done whining for today. Gotta go cook my kiddies some good ol hamburger helper!

My Mommy of the Year award is in the mail...

My children think they are pigs. That is the only reason I have come up with for the reasoning of why they let their bedrooms turn to total squalor. I went downstairs yesterday to do some laundry and the girls bedroom was disgusting! There wasn't any food or drinks down there, but there were piles of clothes, toys, beads, just everything strewn about their room like they had a giant kegger in their room that I wasn't aware of. I have been told by some parents to just "let them keep their rooms the way they want, if its a mess, let it" Do you know what I say to that? HELL NO! That's how my mother was and I think I would have appreciated my things more when I was younger if I was made to clean my room. I go around everyday busting my ass cleaning this house and I am not going to just let my children keep their rooms disgusting. That doesn't fly around here. So my daughters are downstairs with their friends and before they even try to do anything else that bedroom will be cleaned to MY standards! I know they will clean it today because I told them two things. 1. Do they want me to take away all their clothes and they have to clean their room in towels and tell them they get one set of clothing to wear for the entire week like I scared them a few months ago? No. They do not. 2. I told them that I set up a camera hidden in there and I will watch the tape and see who is doing what. Lily totally didn't believe me, but Hailey did. Silly girl! She would totally believe me if I told her that Missouri picked up and moved to China and we now all have to learn chinese. Now I am off to go help the boys clean their room. Days like this make me want to invest in a hazmat suit. Blah.

My life could be an awesome soap opera...

I take that back. My mother and her basket full of drama and her ten shades of bat shit crazy would make a great soap! I get 2066.34 miles away from the woman, yet she still tries to pull me into everything. BLAH

It started last week. Long story short. My brother got up in her boyfriends face screaming at him. Next day moms bf came up to my brother at my moms and beat the crap out of him. My mother took her boyfriends side! Well, not that I would expect anything different from my mother but still. Then comes this past Friday. My wonderful aunt passed away due to brain cancer. May she rest in peace. My mother was totally out of it from losing her only sister. To make everything better she found out that her mother(yeah that would be my grandmother, but since I was disowned from my grandparents, its makes her my mothers mother) had yet another stroke. How that woman is alive after all the strokes/heart attacks/clots who knows. Well on Saturday, my brother came over and was being rude to my mom. My mom was talking to her boyfriend and he insisted she call the cops to make my brother leave. She wouldnt. So he broke up with her. Now my mother is the type of person that if she doesnt have a man, then its the end of the freaking world. So its been a pity party table for 1 all weekend for my mother. She is more upset about her POS boyfriend than her sister dying. OHHH and since my son and her bf share the same name, she asked if I would please refer to my THREE YEAR OLD by his nickname because hearing his name just hurts her. Anyway thats all about my batshit crazy mama drama.

This was our first 4th of July not in Washington. I was not in a celebrating mood. One because I see no point in spending hundreds upon hundreds of dollars that youre just going to blow up in a matter of seconds. Maybe thats the jewish part of me. Well we got invited to a party across the street. I wanted to go because:
1. Free food
2. Free fireworks
3. They had tons of other kids there for my boys to play with

Sounds awesome right? Yeah until my antisocial husband decided he wanted to be Polly Pissy Pants and throw a fit because he wanted to go to post and watch the fireworks and the rest of us wanted to go to the neighbors. So I did what every loving wife would do :) I called him out on being an asshole, then took all 4 kids by myself to the party. If he wanted to sit at home and pout more power to him. I deal with little kids all day, I dont want to be married to one! Anyway he ended up taking the boys to post for fireworks where they repeatedly whined the entire time. HAHAHAHAHA

OH I am forgetting the most awesome part of the past week. My 3 year old, mush decided to go and break his freaking wrist! Well not purposely but it still got broken. He has a loft bed and he was climbing down the ladder but instead of climbing down it, he decided to walk down it like stairs(he got his daddys smarticles) he smacked his hand on the dresser and cut it up, then landed on his wrist. I was across the hall. I heard a loud thump, then the most blood curdling scream ever. I was running into his room while he was coming out. All I saw was blood and his little chubby hand completely limp. I brought him out to the living room and just kept saying to myself "please dont let a bone be sticking out" Luckily there was no bone protruding but within 30 seconds-minute it had turned black and blue and was 3-4 times the size of his other wrist. YAY!! Off to the ER we go!! I called Rich to get his ass home. So we all got to the ER. Fastest.ER.Trip.Ever. They had him in, xrayed, bandaged and out the door in about an hour. The Dr told us it was just a bad sprain so were okay. Keep his wrist bandaged for a week, ice it, and give him motrin. SWEET! Yeah, it was. Until I get a phone call from the ER telling me basically, oops our bad, its broken not sprained. Well since the swelling was so much, we had to wait until TODAY to get it casted. Well, guess what? NO CAST! It is still pretty swollen and they want his cut to heal more before they cast him. So friday it is now. Their advice to us was, keep him still, elevate his arm and ice it. Im not sure if the dr ever had a 3 year old boy, but trying to get my boy to stay still is next to impossible. But I threw in Jaws this afternoon and he watched it. Then he fell asleep. PERFECT! Now I can elevate his arm and ice it all while hes sleeping! YAY ME! Okay Im done for today. I rambled enough. Dinner will not cook itself. :)

If Joie had a gun it would be forced against my head

So I'm starting writing in this blog because of Joie. My longest dearest friend. We have been friends for almost 18 years(I AM OLD) and she is making me start a blog. Not encouraging, making. Forcing. Like I said, if she had a gun, it would be against my head making me type.

So Joie(with her pretend gun against my head) told me that I had such interesting things happen during my day with my kids I should blog about them. So here I am.

Here's a little bit about my life:

I am a stay at home mom to 4 kids, married to a military man for almost 9 years.
I lived in Tacoma WA area for almost 20 years.
I now live in Missouri aka Hillbilly Bug infested Hell.
I have 3 dogs, a 94 pound German shepherd, an 8 pound chihuahua named Papi, and a retarded 12 pound shitzu mix.
My mother is bat-shit crazy and I will probably blog about her and her annoyances...a lot.

On to the "exciting" things that happen. Well this week alone I:
got a letter from the IRS wanting 2714.00
my heat pump broke for the 4th time!
My oldest daughter shaved her legs for the first time(I FEEL OLD)
I tried giving my youngest child an exorcism using dishwater(it didn't work, hes still bad)
Finally potty trained youngest child.

I am going to talk about the potty training. Over the course of the past 10.5 years I have been buying diapers. So lets do the math:

20 dollars for a box of diapers.
2 boxes of diapers in a month(give or take)
for 10.5 years

20
x2
= 40.00 a month

40.00
x 12
= 480.00 a year

480
x 10.5
= 5040.

5,040!!!!

Wow. That's depressing!

okay, I think that's enough for now. I am getting called to put in Transformers 2....again...


Happy now Joie?